tinyangel-of-light
18 posts
Latest Posts by tinyangel-of-light
Foolish One
So... I just listened to Taylor Swift's "Foolish One" for the first time today and wow. I felt that she just looked into my life and saw talking directly to me. Like wow...I felt so called out.
That was me a couple of years ago. I was so smitten with this guy like seriously it was bad. But he was a bit of a player and yeah I wasn't the exception. Literally, a couple of months after I finally told my friends about my crush, they all came to tell me bad news and comfort me. They told me he just got a girlfriend and my first thought was "Well it's only going to be a couple of weeks again"
Then I thought "Wow if I'm ever going to date him, I'm going to go through the same thing" Up til that minute in my head I really was going to be his exception. Foolish one right
Sad thing is I tried to stop liking him but every time I tried to distance myself, then he would give me attention. Flirt and get close then my hope ros, then next time I see him he had another girl on his arm. Every time, every time. Foolish one
It was like he liked having me like him but I never would be his exception. I was so foolish and it took me too long to walk away.
It's over now but just hearing that song brought back all those memories.
Loneliness
Sometimes I feel so alone that it hurts
Most of my friendships have faded to the point where they don't even bother replying to me anymore. It hurts.
And it feels so hard to make friends without friends. I hate going to places where you meet new people like parties or clubs by myself. I just feel too out of place.
It's not like I can't talk to people, there are a good number of people that I could say I'm friendly with but it's like I don't exist outside that specific context. I can't count any of those people as a real friend.
It's not like I'm just going to start going more places to meet people so I don't know why I even complain. "If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" but I'm not sure I can get over that fear.
Group Projects Suck
Group projects can be so awful sometimes. I had to work with a partner on a big project and we worked really hard on it. Our paper, slides, and video presentation were awesome and my partner said she had submitted our presentation since only one of us had to and I believed her.
Why did I believe her? Now, two days after the deadline I was scrolling through the presentations looking at the other ones and ours isn’t there! Two days after the submission is locked. I have no idea what happened. It was probably a miscommunication but why didn’t I check for myself. This is worth an entire letter grade. Trust but verify.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, probably plead my case to the teacher Monday morning but I have no clue how she’ll react. At least we turned in the paper part of the project separately so that’s on time at least.
Still it’s just so frustrating!
Oblivious
You ever had the feeling when someone tells you something and it changes the way you thought about something?
Today I visited my grandmother and she asked about a boy I haven’t talked to in a couple of years. She tells me that she thought we would have ended up together because she knew he liked me. She said he always tried to talk to me but I never did. That’s not how I remembered things.
We used to be friendly but I thought he always teased me over everything. He would say things to annoy me but most of the time he just didn’t talk to me as far as I knew. In fact, I thought he didn’t want to be around me. The only thing I could think of that said he might of liked me was when his friend asked me to the dance for him. Actually multiple times over the years, but he always said his friend was joking and he didn’t want to go before I answered.
That’s clear evidence he didn’t like me, right?
She put it in my head though. What if it was true? Am I that oblivious? I watch tv shows all the time and complain how a person can be so oblivious to miss that another character likes them. Am I as bad as that?
Does he...?
There was a time I got my heart broken by a friend. Not an extremely close friend but a friend nonetheless. The words just came out of my mouth and I ran. We never talked about it but our mutual friend said he didn’t like me like that. So I pretended it never happened and never let him see me cry over him.
I don’t like him like that anymore and haven’t seen him in forever but I wonder if he thinks about that sometimes. Does he regret how things happened? Does he feel bad for breaking my heart? I don’t blame him for it and I know now that he could never have feelings for me but still. I know he cared about me.
Does he even remember? I don’t know if that would be good or bad
Noticed
I write on tumblr as a way to speak without being noticed personally and it’s nice. I can state honest opinions and preferences. But today one of my favorite authors liked one of my posts and wow just wow! I was so excited and happy! I felt noticed but in a good way.
List of My Fictional Crushes
Edmund Pevensie - The Chronicles of Narnia
Peter Parker (Spiderman) - Marvel
Harry Potter - Harry Potter
Ginny Weasley - Harry Potter
George Weasley - Harry Potter
Madame Lefoux - Parasol Protectorate
Suki - ATLA
Bolin - LOK
Haruhi Fujioka - OHSHC
Tamaki Suoh - OHSHC
Kyoya Ootori - OHSHC
Kaoru Hitachiin - OHSHC
Pidge Gunderson (Katie Holt) - Voltron
Newt - The Maze Runner
Angus Macgyver - Macgyver
Dipper Pines - Gravity Falls
Lloyd Garmadon - Ninjago
Luz Noceda - The Owl House
Klaus Baudelaire - A Series of Unfortunate Events
Riley Poole - National Treasure
Kirishima Eijirou - BNHA
Midoriya Izuku - BNHA
Support
Sometimes days are really hard and you feel really sad. When that happens just remember that there are people who love you more than you even know. You may not even realize they’re there but they are. Let them comfort you, let them hold you while you cry, let them support you.
Crushes
I never used to get a lot of crushes, a few sure but I never really paid attention to people I didn’t really know. But ever since the pandemic started, I’ve been stuck at home all the time, by myself. Now I get crushes all the time.
The cashier girl telling me my dress is pretty=crush. Random guy at the library=crush. Classmates I know nothing about on Zoom=crush
And the fictional crushes are just as bad! Books, movies, tv shows it doesn’t matter, I’ll meet a character and crush instantly. I’m so starved for human affection that I’m developing all these crushes. My poor bi heart can’t take it!
Family
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family with all my heart but sometimes I just need to get away from them. I feel bad but it’s hard being around anyone all the time. I just need time to recharge.
A Little Happiness
You know sometimes things can feel really bad. Sometimes there doesn’t feel that there’s anything to be happy about. It seems like there’s no one there. But don’t forget to have hope because you never know when someone will send a text and brighten up your day. Just a little piece of happiness
Choice
They say that the person who cares the least has the power and that must be true. It sucks. The people I care about, I care so deeply for but it’s always more than they care about me. Sometimes I’m the only one reaching.
It may be really selfish but I wish there was someone who would choose me. Someone who cares as much about me as I do for them.
Why I Love Halloween
It’s the one day of the year where you can dress as anything
It’s the one day of the year where you can truly become someone else
it’s the one day of the year where you see other’s creativity and interests
It’s the one day of the year where it’s fun to be scared
And did I mention CANDY!!!!
Time flies
Where has all the time gone
All my friends are out getting engaged and I’m sitting at home with my dog
At least I’ll get to be a bridesmaid
And all my days are trances, And all my nightly dreams Are where thy grey eye glances, And where thy footstep gleams— In what ethereal dances, By what eternal streams.
Edgar Allan Poe
To One in Paradise