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Sometimes I feel so alone that it hurts
Most of my friendships have faded to the point where they don't even bother replying to me anymore. It hurts.
And it feels so hard to make friends without friends. I hate going to places where you meet new people like parties or clubs by myself. I just feel too out of place.
It's not like I can't talk to people, there are a good number of people that I could say I'm friendly with but it's like I don't exist outside that specific context. I can't count any of those people as a real friend.
It's not like I'm just going to start going more places to meet people so I don't know why I even complain. "If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" but I'm not sure I can get over that fear.