"God I Just Want To Go Home And Eat Some Sexy Oreos"

I want to be free of this thing we call "responsibilities". Let me run barefoot, butt ass naked in the woods with a vodka stash so I may be free as the local cryptid I am meant to be.

Me :* trying to sleep*

My ass of a brain : "what if everyone you care about leaves you tomorrow?"

Me :" I must send them a message now to make sure they know I love them all still"

The entirety of my contacts :" bruh its 4:30am go the fuck to sleep you absolute twank"

Hell

I walk down the stairwell, the only sounds being my own breathing and footsteps.

There are few lights for me to see but somehow I know where to step although I have never walked here before. The lights that are here exist as floating orbs in small slits of the smooth walls.

I feel a breeze just out of reach, enough for me to believe the end is around the next turn. My curiosity endless like the stairs I hurriedly walk down. Then with a single step I am there. And He is there, all I hear from silent lips is " there's cheese in the fridge."

God I love me that bagged fridge cheese.

Christmas time is here, so do y'all peel you're candy canes before you eat then?

"New year new me"

*lays in the dirt so that what nutrition my body weakly clings to is recycled by the fungus and maggots of the wood*

To those of you who wad up toilet paper,

you got some serious and unchecked problems.

Yes, drink the Bubby

British people who like meat be like "take me to the..."

"Sorry for spitting Kombucha on you"

- A friend

Please sir, can I have some dopamine. I can't go on without it.