"Sorry For Spitting Kombucha On You"

Day 1 of my self quarantine

I don't want to get out bed but I also really want tea. Not much has changed

Yes, drink the Bubby

Christmas time is here, so do y'all peel you're candy canes before you eat then?

Daddy satan, can you braid my body hair?

To those of you who wad up toilet paper,

you got some serious and unchecked problems.

It isnt even three whole months into the year and society as we know it has been threatened already. In the name of all that is holy can I please have some good news.

can we please adopt pirate aesthetics into mainstream fashion

i wanna dress like a pirate so bad

i want sexy noblemen shirts to be a thing for both men and women

i want to wear a nice ass frock coat everywhere i go

i want straps and buckles on everything

i want amazing leather boots to parade around in

i want nice big hats with feathers and swords and flintlock pistols to show off

i just want pirate aesthetics everywhere

"God I just want to go home and eat some sexy oreos"

-One sexy trilobite

Me :* trying to sleep*

My ass of a brain : "what if everyone you care about leaves you tomorrow?"

Me :" I must send them a message now to make sure they know I love them all still"

The entirety of my contacts :" bruh its 4:30am go the fuck to sleep you absolute twank"

"New year new me"

*lays in the dirt so that what nutrition my body weakly clings to is recycled by the fungus and maggots of the wood*