Incorrect Greek Gods - Blog Posts

NO NO NO I CAN'T START SOBBING RN

Athena: what are you doing?

Ares: *quickly slams laptop* writing a book

Athena: really? I didn’t take you as the type, what’s it about?

Ares: war

Athena: eh, figures. Well, I support your Foret into book writing, keep at it.

Ares: *opens up laptop and continues writing* and then the dad tucked his child into bed lovingly and told him, “My son, I’m very proud of you and love you very much. You don’t have anything to prove to me.”

Hermes: Hey, can you teach me to play the trumpet?

Apollo: Why?

Hermes: Because I want to follow Zeus around and annoy him with it.

Dionysus: Technically you don't need to know how to play the trumpet to do that.

Hermes: You're so right-

Apollo: So how depressed have you been feeling?

Dionysus: I don't care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Apollo: *whispers* Holy shit....

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Dionysus: On a scale from "Damn Daniel" to "Fre sha vaca do", how are you feeling?

Apollo: In between "It's an avocado thanks" and "How did you defeat Captain America", but as a solid answer probably "I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger". How about you Hermes?

Hermes: Probably "Road work ahead".

Artemis: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Hermes:My life isn't as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like

Who broke it?

*Everyone is standing around a broken coffee maker*

Ares:So? Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just want to know.

Athena:I did... I broke it.

Ares:No. No you didn't. Hermes?

Hermes:Don't look at me. Look at Artemis.

Artemis:What? I didn't break it.

Hermes: Huh. That's weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Artemis: Because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken!

Hermes: Suspicious.

Artemis:No it's not!

Dionysus: If it matters... Probably not...Apollo was the last one to use it.

Apollo: Liar I don't even drink that crap!

Dionysus:Oh really? What were you doing by the Coffee cart earlier?

Apollo:I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that Dionysus!

Athena:Okay, let's not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it Ares.

Ares:No! Who broke it?

Dionysus:Ares? Artemis has been awfully quiet.

Artemis:Really?

*Everyone starts arguing*

Ares being interviewed: I broke it. It burned my hand earlier, so I punched it.

Ares:I predict ten minutes from now they will be at each other's throats with warpaint and a pig head on a stick.

Ares:

Ares: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

How dare you make them adorable- I can't 😭

Hera: *going into false labor*

Zeus: *freaking out*

Eileithyia: it’s okay, it’s okay! it’s just braxton hicks

Zeus: who the fuck is Braxton Hicks, and why is he doing this to her!?!?

Hermes lying about the myth with Argus Hermes: Do I look like a killer to you?

Hecate: Yes. You kill my patience.

Zeus: Do you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night?

Alcmene: Actually, I am getting married on Saturday.

Zeus: Friday night?!