Padfoot X Moony - Blog Posts

Sirius tried to carve info on the walls of his cell in Azkaban, after he starts to realize that one day he’ll forget Remus.

And although the dementors make him relieve his worst memories forever, nothing terrifies him more than the thought of forgetting Remus. He thinks about the way his lips had felt against his and he resists the urge to touch them, scared of losing the memory. He knows that he would feel the same pain he felt, when James died. So, that’s why he starts writting about Remus’ appearance. The colour of his eyes and hair, the way he tilts his head back when he smiles, the sound of his sweet laughter, habits, likes, dislikes... everything.

Where all the poets go to die || 𝖂𝖔𝖑𝖋𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗

Summary: Remus and Sirius write each other letters, while he’s in Azkaban.

Warnings: none

A/N: This is a fanfiction, which will be multiple chapters long. You might want to follow me for updates. I would also greatly appreciate some feedback or your thoughts on my writing in general.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

(𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟏)

Remus never felt so completely and utterly lost in his whole life before. He didn’t intend to tell anyone about the part, that’s tearing him apart and yet he’s sitting on the soft cushion of a chair, that belongs to no one other than the Weasleys. Like now, in quiet moments of reflection, he feels tears spring into the corner of his eyes and he quickly wipes away the ones, that have unknowingly begun to fall down his face. The room is silent, except for a kettle, which is quietly cooking on the kitchen stove. Through the open window, he can smell the cold autumn wind. It drifts over his head and when he closes his eyes, he comes up. Again and again, he comes to him and the once loved memories, the ones he now so despises, come crashing over him and ripple throughout his body.

"I never felt about anyone, the way i feel about you," Sirius says, thumb caressing Remus' cheek as they lie on the bed in their shared apartment. He’s tucked into Sirius' lap, resting his head against his chest how he did on that fateful day. "Nothing in the universe will ever tear us apart."

How wrong Sirius had been, Remus thinks. Swallowing, his eyes close tightly and he tries to find a way to drown his thoughts out. Sirius is gone and all he left him with is his crumpled heart. How could he join Voldemort’s side and betray both James and Lily? It feels as if he’s always on the verge of waking up from a bad dream and sometimes, when it all becomes unbearable, he thinks about giving up. Falling apart at the seams, knowing he’ll never be who he once was, but there’s a whole other side that he’s desperately holding on to. The part he fell in love with. The side of him that created a ‘happily ever after’ in his head. But then the realization hits. The realization, that it’s all been an act. He loves and was never loved back and the hardest part of this process is trying to reconcile the two seemingly polarised sides.

Before he was alone. Distracted by his own thoughts and emotions, but now, two figures stand by, observing quietly from the shadows. Molly Weasley gazes down upon him with concern and quiet understanding. The wonder of what to say lives in her mind. She startles slightly, as the teakettle begins to whistle and a few seconds later, the face of her husband comes into sight. Remus seems slowly return to reality, as Arthur Weasley kneels down with a cup of freshly brewed tea and eyes him worryingly.

“Remus -”

The silence lingers, the voice numbing his senses. He glances around before reaching for the cup.

“Thank you.. Arthur,” Remus whispers.

The tea soothingly warms him from the inside and it’s almost too much. He has gotten so used to the newfound cold within.

“Are you alright? Is there something you need?” The concern drips in Molly’s voice and Remus frowns. His wounded self screams at the back of his head. They don’t understand. He’s been hurt in ways, he never excepted to be hurt and there’s no way out.

“I’m fine,” he mutters instead. A sad smile curving his lips.

Molly just continues to look him concerningly due to her well known nurturing and caring nature. She and Arthur give each other a silent look and a nod before she leaves and Arthur takes seat in the chair opposite from Remus.

“You have to make something out of all these feelings within you,” Arthur speaks up. His voice is silent and raw and the fact that he sees him in such a vulnerable state, makes Remus' heart swell.

“Have you thought about writing him a letter?”

Remus takes a while to answer, too taken aback by his suggestion. A letter? How could he factor all his anger and frustration into just a mere letter? Besides, Sirius doesn’t care. He never cared. He took everyone down with him and did it on purpose.

“Well... i don’t know how,” Remus finally says with a shake of his head.

He feels Arthur’s big and warm hand on his arm, grounding him. His dark blue eyes full of concern.

“Write to him.”

Remus eyes stay fixed on him, feeling that Arthur isn’t wiling to let this go. He notices a tightness throughout his body and he didn’t even realize, that he had been tensing up and holding his breath.

“He betray-” Remus stops mid sentence. His heart pounding in his chest and tears burning in his eyes. “You don’t think there’s a chance that he could be innocent, do you?”

Arthur clears his throat. “I refused to believed it at first, but witnesses saw him... twelve Muggles.. an extremely powerful explosive curse....”

To hear it out loud, makes Remus fall still, eyes slowly closing.

“You have to free some of the anger and hurt, that lingers inside you. I can see it’s killing you,” Arthur says in a soft voice.

Remus looks up and nods, knowing that it’s true. He knows that Arthur is right and that all the memories inside his heart could break him in half. Shatter him.

“If there’s a way, i’ll write him. I’m sorry for -”

“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for,” Arthur interrupts him, while he shifts slightly in his chair. “Prisoners are usually not permitted to correspond with the outside world, but i'll talk to Dumbledore. You can use Asora, our owl, as well. Don't hesitate to ask us anything.”

Remus heart almost burst with untold affection for this man. “Thank you. For everything,” he says.

The slight hint of a smile he receives in return, makes him forget everything for a mere few seconds and Remus knows to treasure it well. Sincere or forced, it mattered little — The gesture was appreciated all the same.

“Anytime.”

He feels his heart unclench. A few minutes of silence pass by, until Remus gently nods towards the door.

“I better be leaving. It’s been a long day.”

He gets up off the chair and before he heads out the door, he gives Arthur a quick hug.

"Say thank you to Molly for me."

"I'll. Just keep holding on, Remus. We’re waiting for you."

With a tiny hint of a smile on his lips, he slips through the doorway and lets the sweet cold air reach his lungs. Arriving at home, alone, he warms himself in front of the fireplace, where a bright and cozy fire burns. It’s been a long day and all he wants, is some peace and quiet, but Remus feels a restlessness he can’t shake. Nothing is bothering him. No sound, no smell, nothing. Everything is calm, except him. Slowly, his eyes drift to his writing desk. Though his body doesn’t want to move, keeping still seems an impossible task. Finally, he just gives up, sits down at his desk and pulls out a jar of ink and some paper.

~*~

To Sirius Black

November 12th 1981

It’s almost impossible to forget you.

Your absence and betrayal is the most painful thing i had to ever go through. Being so close and watching you disappear hurts the most. James and Lily are dead because of you. How could you, Sirius? I’ve been lied to by the person, who has always treated me with the most daring respect, who listened to my interests and even for a little while, made me feel and know love in a way that no one else ever has. How could i’ve been so blind? I can’t take it anymore. I wish to depart so far and free. Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?

Truth is, shatter my heart and soul, i never wish to see you again. Sometimes, i long to feel the same one more time, but it hurts. My soul is frozen and there’s no sun to warm it.

You weren’t just a star to me, you were my whole damn sky.

I love you, but i hate you so much. You’re nothing but a liar, making us think that the friendship and love we shared was real and then you turn your back on us and betray us in such a vile manner. Your sins will never be forgotten.

Everything reminds me of you. Your scent is a sweet felony. Sometimes i wonder, if i'll ever fall in love again. I wonder what it would look like. How would i act? Is it the same as the first time? Or more cautious? I’m curious. I have this feeling, that i want to feel it again, but i don't at the same time. I’ve been hurt so deeply and i wish you a lifetime of coming to terms with the pain you caused. I hope you can live with yourself, even though i wish you’re constantly reminded of what you’ve done.

Farewell, Sirius.

Remus

There's a sinking feeling in his chest as he finishes the letter. For a while, he remains emotionless in his seat, while he processes every syllable.

His own words bring him to tears and suddenly it all seems too blurred in the way that his heart sinks everytime he thinks of Sirius in their bed. Waiting for someone who will never be his, who will never come to him. He picks the letter, reads it a second time and his salty tears burn the little scar, that rests on his chin. He goes to bed on an empty stomach that night, crying until his pillows are soaked.

Taylor Swift really wrote the line You drew stars around my scars, but now i'm bleedin' and expected me to be fine.

Dmm just thinking about how exile by Taylor Swift are Sirius and Remus most inner thoughts/feelings, when Sirius was in Azkaban after thinking Remus was the spy. 😓✋

Wolfstar fans, if you like angst with a happy ending, read this if you haven’t already!!! It’s so good, properly written and the emotions in this one are... *chef’s kiss* So pure, so strong.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

10th March 1977

Dear Remus,

I’m reduced to a thing that only wants you. I've never told you, but it doesn’t make it any less real. I’m in love with you. I’ve been for three years. I hate myself for it, but i’m so in love. Stupid, unbearable love.

I tried to make it go away,

I tried to run from it,

I tried to fight it,

but you always found your

way back to me again.

Please forgive me. I never wanted to lose you. I’ve always held our friendship dear, but i couldn’t fight my feelings any longer. That’s why i’m composing this letter to you, in these sleepless hours of the night. My heart feels heavy, i’m so scared. The gravity of my love for you drowns me in a precipice of ecstasy, dreaming of you. I miss you, in a simple desperate human way.

I hope you won’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it. I’m scared to look you in the eyes again. Maybe you could not tell my feelings, but it's only because i was worried and frightened.

All my love forever,

Sirius.

𝓦𝓸𝓵𝓯𝓽𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻 as my favorite romantic book quotes

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

“𝗛𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗳 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹, 𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝘀𝗮𝘆.”

“𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗼𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲, 𝗯𝘆 𝘀𝗺𝗲𝗹𝗹. 𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗱, 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗵. 𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵, 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱.”

- The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller.

“𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲. 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂.”

- Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë.

“𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗶 𝗮𝗱𝗺𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂.”

- Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen.

“𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗹, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗶’𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻. 𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻. 𝗜 𝗮𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂.”

“𝗜 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗳 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲. 𝗔𝘄𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆, 𝘆𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘆; 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲-" 𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗶𝗽𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁; 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝘀𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗱. 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿.”

- Maurice, E.M. Forster.

“𝗜’𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂.”

“𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗿𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸.”

“𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲. 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂.”

- An Oresteia, Anne Carson.

“𝗘𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻.”

- The Age of Innocence, Edith Wharton.

“𝗜𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂… 𝗶𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗲𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗲𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗜 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.”

- The Portrait of a Lady, Henry James.

“𝗛𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗼𝗻, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱.”

- Anyway, Richard Siken (poem).

Remus: *plucking petals off a flower* He loves me... he loves me not. He loves me... he loves me not. He loves me... *plucks last petal* he loves me not...

Sirius: *bursting in with an armful of various flowers and bouquets* That can’t be right, try again.

The Darkness wept || 𝓢𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓾𝓼 𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴

Summary: Sirius spends the Christmas break at Grimmauld Place 12 and he has to learn that the lives of the ones he loves are in danger.

Warnings: hints of homophobia, physical abuse & slurs

A/N: It’s a little bit angsty, but i hope you enjoy it! Feedback is always welcome btw.

Sirius walks over to the window and reflects on his cold surroundings. He has always hated Grimmauld Place 12 with its damaged, suffocating darkness. It’s a place that encourages his tendency to feel sad and all what is waiting for him now, is the torture of the holidays. What was the point of keeping his promise to his father to stay over Christmas anyway? Sirius would have never agreed to this, but his father always leaves a terrifying impression on him. His face is filled with fury, the desire to be with James and the rest of his friends growing. He can remember them clearly. Their voices and faces never leaving his head. Suddenly, his line of thoughts are interrupted, when his mother, Walburga Black appears in the dark doorway, dressed in a beaded black evening gown. "I see you’re back," she says, in a tight-fisted tone. Sirius represses the desire to laugh. "Unfortunately," he answers.

"Don’t your so-called friends want you anymore?" A tiny, satisfied grin marks her face. "You know nothing about me or any of my friends," he shots back.

Her eyes stay fixed on him. "You haven't heard it yet, have you? I haven't told Regulus either, but i wanted to let you know first." Sirius' mouth is set in a thin line, his expression grim. "There were deadly attacks on mudbloods and half-breeds, which seem to be increasing at every minute," she says, almost satisfied, as she eyes him curiously. Sirius balls his hands into fists. "What the hell are you talking about?" He feels sick to his stomach, feeling like he might throw up. "It’s true," she declares viciously. He never felt more hate towards her than in this moment. If he could, he would wipe that condescending look off her face. "Mudbloods and bloodtraitors, filth and stains of dishonor. It had long been necessary." His head is pounding. It couldn’t be true. Remus and Lily. Whatever it takes, he would make sure, they’re safe from any hurt, harm or danger. He knows that this world is not safe for Remus. Twice he put his life in danger, to protect him and he’ll not hesitate, when the deatheaters will go to find him. He can’t afford to lose him. Sirius narrows his eyes at Walburga, but says nothing. He can feel her tense up in front of him.

"You won’t be seeing that half-breed werewolf anymore. What’s his name? Remus?"

Sirius freezes, his breathing shallow. Slowly, he turns to face his mother. "How do you know about that?" he asks harshly. Walburga looks carelessly at her nails before answering. "Regulus was always more observant and clever than you ever gave him credit for." To hell with them all, Sirius thinks. His brother and his stupid views. He adopted them so quickly. What a bunch of crap they all are. "You either stop seeing that filthy boy or he’s as good as dead." Sirius looks her right in the eyes, giving her that stare. The Black men always had a stare that made you either love then or fear them. "You wouldn’t dare," he says.

"Oh, i would," she spats. "Deep down, you've always been like the rest of us."

"I’m nothing like you. I’m what you made me!" he blares out. "If anything happens to Remus, i’ll destroy everything in this house and then myself." Sirius feels ice flood in his veins. She stares at him, wide-eyed. "Don’t tell me, you really care that much for that filth of a boy?” His fists ball at his sides, nails pressing into his palms. "He’s my friend and i love h-" he blurts out, voice trembling a little. Sirius regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

"Love him!" she erupts in laughter. "Absolutely horrendous. There’s no such thing as love!" she declares in pure disgust.

His mother is furious, her rage filling the room and instinctively, Sirius takes a few steps backwards. "Pathetic," she bellows. "You brought shame on this family. Tell me... is he your boyfriend?" He’s trembling, a familiar feeling rising up inside of him, something burning in his throat.

"We’re just friends - "

Walburga clenches her jaw. The room is silent. She takes a few steps forward and fists his collar. He tries to pull away, but she doesn’t let go. "If you ever go near that boy again, if you try to talk to him, i’m going to tear you apart." Sirius goes pale, shaking. "You know i can’t do that." He’s incredulous that she’s actually threatening him. That she’s trying to break him and Remus apart. She doesn’t threaten him very often anymore, but she always has a knack for it.

Her dark and possessive eyes are fixed on him. Sirius breathes hard, chest heavy. He hated his mother all his life, the things she has put him through are unthinkable, but the unreasonable part of him still loves her, seeks her approval. She laughs, confident he won't do a damn thing. Digging her nails into his collar, she throws him up against the wall. Everything feels numb. Sirius can feel his eyes burning and his hands fly up to his head. He bites his lip to stifle a scream, as a shooting pain strikes his head.

"Sirius, don't be stupid" she says in a flat voice. "You should have known, that i’m only her to warn you."

"I hate you so much" he spits out.

"Your brother told me about the things you have going on with that boy. You’re gonna leave him alone. I don’t want any mudblood close to you." He chuckles, loudly. "No, i’m not." His mother looks him in the eye, "I wasn't asking, Sirius."

"I'm not gonna leave him alone, that's final."

"Clearly you are having trouble understanding me. You are not to speak or be with him ever again. If i know you’ve been in contact with him, or anyone else of your so-called friends, i’ll take care of it and they’ll all be dead, you ungrateful brat."

He never felt so weak and powerless before. And the whole time, his mind keeps wandering back to Remus. "Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out, now!" she yells. Grabbing his arms, pulling him harshly and watching him struggle to get up. Sirius’ ears are ringing. "Mother." He suddenly hears the all too familiar voice of his brother. "Let him go, you'll hurt him." Regulus attempts to pull him away, but Sirius shoves him away. "Don’t you dare touch me", he growls. There are tears forming in his eyes, desperately holding back the urge to cry, as he stumbles away. Looking at his mother with terror in his eyes, he leaves the room and slams the door.

Nothing in the world could calm Sirius's nerves tonight.

JKR really wrote Wolfstar to be so incredibly gay and then she’s like “Nope they were not in love they’re just besties 😁” Mmmhm okay yeaahh suuureee. She even wrote Harry noticing Remus stare at Sirius and he didn’t even notice himself staring at men most of the time. He was THAT obvious, but as we all know this woman is absolutely terrible anyways. People’s existence and acceptance is not up for debate. Terfs suck.

I’m once again thinking about Sirius, Remus and their epic 39 line stare.

can you turn the prompt 'he studies his scars in the mirror' into a wolfstar one shot? if you feel like taking prompts at some stage xxx

hi! yeah of course! i’m more than willing to do that. <3

so, for now i have this rule where i only write brief one shots with 600-1k words. it's short but sweet, i suppose. i hope you like it.

Warnings:

light angst, mentions of scars

~*~

The Star’s Soul ||  𝖂𝖔𝖑𝖋𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗

Remus has never liked his scars. They make him feel on edge. A constant reminder of his imprisonment. His torture. Sometimes the only thing he wants is to kill the creature that lurks inside of him.

He studies his scars in the mirror. His fragile body pale and nimble. Trembling all over. He can’t remember it all, but last night’s full moon was rough. He distantly recalls the feeling of his bruised, cut feet and Sirius' warm figure carrying his nude body along the woods.

"My beautiful Moony." Remus flinches at the choice of words, as he takes a moment to admire Sirius’ reflection appearing in the mirror. The nickname always reminds him of the unbearable pain, he so desperately wishes he could forget. Sirius’ gaze lingers over his bare arms and chest, pupils dilating and flickering over the scars. It lefts him feeling self conscious and a tiny part at the back of his head demands to move his body out of sight, but his body refuses to obey to his frantic thoughts.

"You're marvelous to my eyes," Sirius whispers, cloud like voice, softly wrapping around Remus’ senses. He lowers his eyes, his fingers running gently over one of his most recent scars, which hasn’t quite healed yet. Remus hasn’t said anything yet, but his chest feels too heavy and he holds onto his heart, instead of giving it to Sirius.

"I know what you’re thinking about. It’s alright, Remus. There’s nothing wrong about you." He can’t find it in him to fill the space with words. It’s not like he could, even if he wanted to. Remus takes a deep breath and slowly spins around to face his love. He stares into Sirius' dark eyes and exhales long and slow, nodding.

The level of intimacy they share in their glances is mesmerizing. Sirius is speaking with his eyes to express his love. Nothing is left unsaid. He brushes Remus’ cheek with his thumb and reaches for bandages, placing them on each of his scars carefully. With a little frown, causing a crease between his brows, he places a kiss beside one of the bandages.

Remus’ whole body reacts to it alongside a small, shaky sigh lost in his breath. Letting his gaze wander, Sirius places a few more kisses and lifts his gaze with a questioning look. "Does it feel better?"

"Yes..." Remus says quietly, almost like a whisper. He smiles slightly. A small but genuine smile. He lifts his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear and then his thumb strokes his temple, while his remaining fingers gently ease into his hair. “Why is it always you who can make me feel these things?” he asks, voice heavy.

Sirius instinctively leans into his touch with a tiny grin on his face. Remus’ heart flutters slightly at how close there are now. “I could ask you the same question,” he replies softly and lets out a small, shaky breath as well, his hand threading into Remus’ hair and running through it gently.

He never experiences love, safety and happiness as much as he does with Sirius. How could he worry about his scars, when he has the biggest blessing of his life right in front of him? And when Sirius kisses him, the whole world dials down to just their little bubble, where it’s just safety, warmth and love.

"I love you," Sirius says, the words slipping past his lips like a prayer, whispered into the space between their mouths. A tiny whimper escaping Remus as Sirius kisses him again. Again and again.

It’s as though they’re minted love itself. His heart slams against his lungs as Sirius’ eyes penetrate his soul. He touches him like he’s the most beautiful creature he ever laid eyes on. Remus has never been more in love. Never known a soul like his. Sirius is what his soul knows and they’ll always meet for a love, that has never been more certain.

Sirius is the one

who heals him -

who makes his scars

feel beautiful.

Sirius: May i sit here?

Remus: That’s my lap.

Sirius: That doesn’t answer my question, Remus.

Prisoner of Azkaban is my comfort book, but i can’t stand JK Rowling so i simply headcanon that Remus and Sirius dated during school and never fell out of love.

Whenever Remus felt self-conscious about his scars, Sirius took his face between his hands and lightly kissed each one. as he did so, he whispered, “I love every single scar. I love you, i’m here and i’m not going anywhere.”

Sirius: Who the fuck ate all my chocolate frogs? I WILL KI-

Remus: I did.

Sirius: Kiss you and ask if you want more, love.

Some people think Sirius loved Remus despite his lycanthropy. wrong. Sirius loved Remus WITH his lycanthropy. He accepted and loved this side of Remus with everything he had. Sirius loved Remus, lycanthropy and all.

Sirius: No, it's too dangerous for you to go alone! Here, take this!

Remus:

Remus: You're just holding out your hand.

“I love everything you hate about yourself.”

Headcanon that Sirius would sometimes say “I love you to the moon and back” and Remus would always answer with “I love you more than there are stars in the sky.”

Rebel rebel is Sirius’ theme song and for that exact reason it’s Remus’ favourite Bowie song. Full moon is Remus’ theme song bc Sirius heard it once and was like “That’s my Moony!!”

Imagine Sirius would’ve gotten a 'Moony' tattoo. One letter on each of his fingers... M-O-O-N-Y.

I’m gonna quietly pass away now.

Headcanon that Sirius would give Remus hand written excerpts from books he thought he might like. 🥺

The Act of Love ||  𝖂𝖔𝖑𝖋𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗

Summary: Remus and Sirius sleep together for the first time.

Warnings: smut (18+)

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing, so i apologize in advance haha. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this, but i’m still a little bit insecure. Hope you enjoy nevertheless!

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

Sirius and Remus are in their dorm, door locked with a strong locking spell, just in case. James and Peter went out to Hogsmeade and now there’s no one that can disrupt their precious time together.

They’re only inches apart and then they’re kissing. Sirius gently lifts Remus up and lies him down on his bed, while hovering above him and instead of his lips, he goes down and kisses his neck. Remus is unable to control his yearning any longer. His heart is beating fast. His brain loses it’s ability to think rationally. So he decides to listen to his heart. His heart, that tells him to take this further.

“Sirius-”

“Hm?” he pauses kissing his neck.

“I...” he swallows loudly and feels the slight blush that grows on his cheeks “I think i’m ready.....i really want to....with you....but i mean we don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

Sirius looks up and cups his cheek with his right hand. They're staring into each others eyes once again.

“Remus....i want to. You have no idea how long i've been thinking about this.....you and me.”

Remus’ stomach flutters at his words.

“I just thought you weren’t ready and i didn’t want to put any pressure on you,” Sirius murmurs.

“I wasn’t for a long time....the thought of my scars....and exposing myself to you....but i want this with you....and only you.”

Remus feels a sudden rush of shame and tries to hide his face. Sirius frowns a little at his words and still cupping Remus' cheek, he puts his thumb under his chin and turns his head to look at him.

"No.....you never have to hide...not from me. You’re beautiful to me no matter what and a few scars won’t change that.”

“I love you..” Remus says with tears in his eyes.

“I love you too. You have no idea how much.”

Their lips meet in a passionate, heated and breathtaking kiss. There’s no shame, no more hiding, just pure love and lust rushing through both of them. Remus feels like he’s spilling over.

Their tongues interconnect in gentle caresses and Sirius' hand finds the way under Remus' shirt, pressing his palm onto his heated skin. He lets out a soft whimper and almost reflexively, he slides his fingers into Sirius' long, dark hair and slowly strokes through it.

Sirius slowly pulls away and commences to take off Remus' shirt, then pulls him in for yet another heated kiss. As they explore each other's mouths, they strip each other from their clothes, leaving them both completely naked. Remus worried about being naked in front of Sirius a lot in the past, but the slight embarrassment he continues to feel, does not overweight the want of having him in the most intimate way.

He looks up at Sirius, as he sits back and begins to trail his fingers down his belly. Both their eyes are cloudy with lust and burning affection.

“Is this okay?” Sirius asks gently.

Remus, closing his eyes once more, can hear himself saying yes. Everything just feels too hazy. He begins to place open mouthed kisses on each of Remus' scar filled hips and it triggers soft pants and longing whimpers.

Sirius makes sure to cover every inch of skin. On Remus' inner thigh, he slids his hand down and cups his privates. Sirius watches as his eyes squeeze tight together.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby..” Sirius gasps out.

He proceeds kissing down Remus' entire naked body and Remus’ hands tighten in his hair the closer he gets to his erection. He shudders and his back arches as Sirius begins to lick him.

“Sirius...i-”

Fingers curling and uncurling weakly into the sheets. Remus' throat feels dry, unable to formulate words. He's reduced to breathless whimpers and voiceless moans. Sirius' hand cups his cheek once again, thumb swiping underneath his right eye as if wiping away nonexistent tears.

"Look at me, love.." he murmurs.

Remus forces his eyelids open. Sirius' face is flushed and he’s looking at him with love. So much love. The longing to feel him becomes overwhelming, so Remus slowly lifts his legs and wraps them around the other boy's waist.

Sirius lets out a surprised whimper and gasps into one of their never ending kisses. This is utter bliss and Remus never wants it to end. Sirius takes hold of his legs and holds them there.

They’re staring longingly into each other’s eyes and as Remus gives a silent nod, Sirius reaches over to his nightstand to grab his wand. He utters a silencing spell and then he reaches to the bottom drawer, grabbing a condom and lube.

The preparation is slow. Sirius is careful, so as not to hurt him. He focuses his eyes on Remus. He is attentive. Trying to see what is working for him and what isn’t. The image of Remus, underneath him and his utter trust, to do this with him, almost makes his heart burst with love.

"Just tell me if i need to stop, okay baby?"

Remus nods and finally, Sirius begins to line himself up and slowly and carefully eases himself into him. They both breathe shaky breaths.

Having Sirius this close to him is overwhelming, to feel him inside of him and him being this tender with his body, almost makes Remus want to cry. He loves him with every fiber of his being. A part of him says it’s to good to be true, yet Sirius harmonizes his own moan of ecstasy with his. The sheer sound of his vibrato, causes Remus to shudder yet again.

Gods, it feels good. So so good, even though it’s still a little bit painful. He makes a hissing sound and Sirius heart contracts painfully in his chest, knowing he causes him pain.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asks concerned, ready to pull out.

"I. am. fine." Remus moans out.

Sirius kisses him, soothing the pain quietly as he begins to pull out, only to slid back in a few seconds later. Both of them moaning unabashedly loud at the feeling.

When Remus is ready, Sirius goes deeper. Inch by inch, until he is fully sheathed inside. He bottoms out and Remus is clenching so tightly around him, he swear he can feel his pulse.

A thousand butterflies well up in Remus' stomach. The rhythm is slow, forcing him to notice every movement. His body clenches tight, only to be pushed open wide, over and over again. Sirius lays loving kisses as he sets a steady rhythm. His head hangs low as he pulls out and then pushes back in, keeping a slow and careful rhythm.

"You feel so good my darling," Sirius breathes.

He’s spurring Remus on, praising him and continues to tell him how good he feels around him. Remus is whining and moaning openly now. Crying out as he’s clinging to Sirius' back, legs looped around his waist. He wasn't even aware that he could make these kinds of sounds. It’s music to Sirius' ears. To see that he can bring Remus pleasure like this...it motivates him to keep trying harder. How long he wished to be with Remus like this. His Remus.

“I love you,” he gasps, grabbing either side of Remus' hips and thrusts into him harder and deeper. Again and again, repeating “I love you I love you I love you-”

Remus keeps his eyes screwed shut, as he slowly throws his head left to right. He’s losing himself.

“Sirius, Sirius, Sirius,” he babbles around each thrust.

He can’t even think straight. So all he can think to do is pulling Sirius closer to him and pressing his lips onto his for a deep kiss.

“So beautiful,” Sirius murmurs, his mouth pressing to Remus’ jawline and fingers cupping his face. He can feel his inner muscles tighten around him. Remus is a sweating, shaking mess by now, completely lost in pleasure.

“Come for me, baby. I need to feel you come around me,” Sirius says before he reaches between Remus’s legs, grabs his most private part and starts pumping.

And so he does. With a prolonged whimper and Sirius’ name on his lips. Back arching off the mattress as his orgasm ripples through his body.

“Sirius..” he almost screams out, completely lost in the moment.

“I got you, baby” Sirius pants heavily, brushing the hair from Remus's sweaty forehead. “I got you.”

Remus’ hands caress his back, keeping him as close as possible, while Sirius rocks once more and shutters apart in Remus' arms and filling him with everything he got.

Sirius (to Remus): You taught me that a man can rule his emotions, but i can't. I can't help, that i love you more than i've loved anything in my entire life.

Oh, my Wolfstar heart. <3

sono in un bagno

🖤

FIDANZATI !

MOST FAMOUS BAND IN THE WORLD MARAUDERSSSS

@motswolo has me in her grip

this fic lives in my mind rent-free I miss them every second of my life

dita in BOCCHE