Energy Periods

Another day, another progress post 🩵

04/05/2025

I just want a freaking free day!!! 😤 Do you ever get so tired of studying and school that you don't know how you're going to last another 30 days?? That's why I am right now. I can't. I just can't right now.

I so want to just say f it and go take a break for a day, but I also feel like I can't. I also don't work like most people, and nighttime is my friend. But then, I can't even enjoy a relaxing night because I need to do work... Make it make sense. Why do I feel punished in society simply by being a night owl? That's not fair.

Grievances aside, only 1 more day of this workshop, and I seriously still don't know how much I'm learning. I'm not sure if this will feel worth it in the end. Maybe I need to reevaluate tomorrow morning before I decide to go.

Me feeling angry (also exhausted and frustrated) at the whole world rn:

Completed

✅ Full-day workshop ✅ Check and respond to emails ✅ Clinic note revision ✅ Grocery shopping ✅ Phone call with partner ✅ Dinner and snacks ✅ Watch Me Before You (I cried my eyes out for this 😭) ✅ Phone call with parents ✅ Clinic notes x4 ✅ Add article summaries to class notes ✅ Read research articles for thesis (30 minutes - that's all the energy I have for today) ✅ Shower (finally!!!)

To-Dos

I cut out some original plans cause I overestimated how much energy I had lol. Full-day workshop is a energy-drainer... Time for bed 😴

Day 1 ~ in recovery ~

A friend came over today to talk about my feelings and maybe get some work done for myself.

It's been 2 days since I last turned on my laptop and looked at my semester to-do list. I still haven't done it yet, and I feel intimidated by the potential workload I have waiting for me once this break ends and everything should go back to "normal." Is there even going to be a "normal"? I don't know. I feel very conflicted right now, but maybe this shows that I need a reality check. To ground me, not terrify me.

A little reminder for the day 🩵

04/09/2025

Started reading this Webtoon called "Ex-Love Review" and I couldn't stop until I can find the latest chapters. So I'm just gonna finish one task and head to bed...

Completed

✅ School ✅ Part-time job ✅ Phone call with partner ✅ Quiz ✅ Dinner ✅ Read Ex-Love Review ✅ Clinic report results x2 (finished in 30 mins?? Amazing!!)

To-Dos

⏹️ Shower (I'm gonna shower in the morning, I promise 🤞🏻)

[End of day: 1:05am] Got more done than I expected, but I definitely neglected some things 😅 I think I'm starting to burn out, which is why I started reading on Webtoon to get a dopamine hit. Need to figure out how I can better rest and do schoolwork at the same time... Good night 🩵

03/26/2025

A quick update before I crash... Had a long day of school and vented to my best friend for an hour before doing work at night. I guess you can say I had a productive day of procrastination.

Completed

✅ Classes

✅ Seeing client

✅ Part-time job

✅ Research meeting

✅ Grocery shopping

✅ Sushi night

✅ Online quiz

How I feel during the day:

I still haven't written anything new for my thesis this week, and the stress and pressure are slowly getting to me. But my friend is right: What needs to get done will get done eventually. So maybe I can let go and live a little, breathe some fresh air back into my lungs, and stop feeling like I have to do a million things in a day for the next 6 weeks.

~**~ Pinterest Inspirations ~**~

A big thank you to Morgan S, who created this collage!!

I saved this for a while and just noticed Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs in the bottom left corner. I have been so focused on channeling my masculine energy this whole week that I didn't realize I was crushing myself from outside in. My anxiety has been at an all-time high (kind of a symptom toward the end of each semester). Not fun! I'm still working on doing better each semester, but it's hard when the ADHD and anxiety get mixed together, and I become terrified and frozen in place.

Had a long conversation with my best friend last night about how it's time to relax into ourselves and live in peace, regardless of how chaotic life might seem at times. I allowed myself to sleep and wake up later today, and I felt the difference immediately. My anxious thoughts quieted down, and I was able to live a little more carefree.

I mean, life is not the best right now, but I am making each day a little better, a little gentler to myself.

Feels like it is time to slow down a bit in order to walk further down this journey. It sounds counter intuitive, but I know it works because it has before. I just need to trust the journey and trust the Universe to provide me the support and safety I need right now.

Sending healing vibes to everybody reading this 🩵

04/02/2025

Today is one of those days when I woke up feeling weird, sat with that discomfort, and things turned out quite ok. Not feeling my best, but got some good news, and the day got better =)

Hope you are somewhere in the world having a great day 🩵

Completed

✅ School ✅ Part-time job ✅ See clients ✅ Research meeting ✅ Phone call with partner ✅ Dinner ✅ Group project 2 paper ✅ Check and reply to school emails ✅ Partial clinic notes (I'll finish the rest tmr 😴)

[Ended at 12:35am] Wrapping up earlier today and I know I deserve it. Been working hard all week and I can finally chill a little (before I have full weekend of training lol) Did my best today and I think maybe doing the bare minimum wouldn't hurt me once in a while. Good night 🩵

Transitions are hard...

Like I know I got diagnosed last year with ADHD, but I haven't felt like this in so long? Seriously, I don't know how I've functioned so well in college, and now in PhD, my brain is starting to give up on me.

I wish my school or someone had taught me how to use a neurodivergent brain growing up. Maybe it would be less difficult right now.

It feels like I make a plan, and then the next thing I know, my brain chooses not to follow it cause it's not exciting enough. I wish I could just work 4 hours a day and then rest and recharge using the remaining time. I know this is impossible with my current workload and commitment, but I can't wait for that day to come when I can create my schedule and I don't have to worry about not having enough income each month.

Good luck my pals who are also neurodivergent ~

Saw this and had to share!! The 4th one got me staring at it for idk how long cause it gives me all the feels lol

Studio Ghibli Appreciation Post

04/08/2025

Starting my studying at home at 10:32pm... It's ok, I'm just going to do my best until I let myself start getting ready to go to bed in an hour. I will need the sleep, and I cannot wait to rest because I have worked hard lately =)

Completed

✅ School ✅ Staff meeting (1.5 hours...) ✅ Part-time job ✅ Nap (2 hours 😮‍💨) ✅ Dinner/snack ✅ Clinic document (so proud! I've been procrastinating on this since Feb lol)

To-Dos

⏹️ Clinic report results 1 ⏹️ Clinic report results 2 ⏹️ Shower (I'll consider this in the morning 😅)

Kinda still feeling frustrated that my professor docked points because I have been getting to class late, but I literally have accommodations for that. I hope it's just that he forgot. I'll need to talk to him about it, and I'm not enthusiastic about it...

[End of study: 12:08am] Ok, I'm calling it a day because I don't want to push my sleep back any further. Good night, lovely humans 🩵