Latest Posts by marauderposts - Page 3
Remus: *talking to a girl*
Remus: Would you like to go to Hogsmeade-
Sirius: AWw is little Rem tryna get a date?? that's so CUTE
Remus: Hold on one second
Remus: *reaches in messenger bag for a tennis ball*
Remus: Fetch. *throws ball*
Sirius: *starts sprinting after the ball*
Remus: Where was I?
Probably every single class that James & Sirius had together
Professor: Let's copy down notes on practical charms
then.
*Sirius & James whisper arguing*
Professor: Boys, why can I hear you talking?
Sirius: Uh... Because you have ears?
Professor: And why are you talking during my class?
James: Well, why are you teaching during our
conversation?
Professor: Detention, both of you
James: Oh deer
Sirius: This place has gone to the dogs
*muffled giggles of the Marauders*
Sirus: We should do a prank with updogs.
Remus: What's updog?
Sirius: Nothing much. You?
Remus:
Remus:
James & Sirius: *High five*
What if Sirius kept using the ‘I’ve been waiting’ line for the mundane things Remus does like
Sirius: How long ‘till dinner?
Remus: It’s going to be a few more minutes can you wait?
Sirius: I DID MY WAITING-
Remus: Oh Lord
Sirius: TWELVE YEARS OF IT-
Remus: Please stop-
Sirius: *with dramatic conviction* IN AZKABAN
James: Rules were made to be broken, Moony.
Remus: Nothing was made to be broken. That doesn't even make sense.
Sirius: Piñatas.
Lily: Glowsticks.
Sirius & Lily: *High five*
A Conversation that Definitely Happened Between Sirius & Remus
Sirius: So, we still on for tonight?
Remus: You mean tonight, the night when I painfully turn into a werewolf and you try to stop me from killing others while trying to stay alive yourself?
Sirius: Yeah...
Remus: Obviously
McGonagall: I assume you realize this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in my classroom.
Sirius: Is there another type of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?
The Story Of How Lily Evans Asked James Potter Out
Lily Evans was mad. She was very, very mad.
Why was she so mad, one may ask? Well, she was mad because of one sole thing. Or person, to be specific. And who was the unlucky person who was to endure her targeted wrath?
James Potter, of course.
She hated him. Absolutely hated him. From everything to his unnaturally sharp jawline to his stupid grin that made her go weak at the knees and the way he always absentmindedly chewed on his quill when he was deep in thought and his freaking Quidditch body (because, of course, he just had to have bloody perfect abs). She absolutely detested the fact that he was admired by all the first years and that he was so good at Quidditch and that he passed Transfiguration with ease. She hated that he was several inches taller than her, so that if they ever were to kiss (not that she would EVER fantasize about that, mind) she would have to stand on her tiptoes and he would have to bend down, letting his hands wander all over her in the process...
In short, she loved him.
Literally all her friends insisted this was coming, which wasn't encouraging, to say the least. How could Lily not fall for him, they all said, when the two were forced to spend time with each other in such close proximities? And since they were both Head Students, and literally lived together in their own private dormitory, it seemed to everyone else that any romance between them was, to put it lightly, inevitable.
The truthfulness of it all drove Lily absolutely mad.
But for some reason, she couldn't seem to get herself to completely care.
Because when she looked at him, or spent time with him for extended periods of time, she found it quite hard to be mad at him. It was so much easier to hate the idea of him and his perfect self than to actually hate him.
Marlene gave her no better advice for her predicament than "Ask Potter out."
So Lily, on a spur-of-the-moment decision (and a vivacious streak of pride) agreed. After all, Potter had constantly been asking her out since 5th year. Why couldn't she ask him instead?
So, mustering all of the bravery she could, Lily marched onto the Quidditch field one evening, determined to make Potter realize that she was exremely enamored with him once and for all. Quidditch practice had just ended, but James was still flying around on his broom by himself, diving and swooping in the evening air. Lily smiled, despite the nervousness bubbling up in her at what she was about to do. Walking closer, toward the edge of the pitch, she cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, "Oi, James!"
James swopped down toward her, grinning and waving. Lily could feel her own grin grow wider. Merlin, this boy...
He stopped in front of her, still on his broom, dangling a few feet in the air above her. He opened his mouth to say something, but Lily beat him to the chase. It's now or never. "James Potter," she said, forcefully, willing bravery to come to her aid, "will you go out with me?"
There were many possible reactions to her question Lily had imagined. A grin and a yes, maybe. Or (and these were the ones that scared her the most) abhorrent 'no's'. The best possible scenario involved kissing, hugging, and lots of smiles and a definite 'yes.'
What Lily did not expect was for James to faint and fall of his broom.
One moment he was hovering in front of her on his broom, completely motionless, and the next thing she knew, she was watching her crush topple unceremoniously off a twig and fall onto the ground.
Luckily the fall was only a few feet, but still.
"James!" Lily yelped, covering her mouth with her hands. "Oh my God! Are you - oh my God!"
James slowly stirred on the ground, and Lily felt immense relief. Throwing all caution to the wind, she wrapped her arms around him, burrowing her head into his chest. "Oh thank Merlin-"
"Uh, Lily?" James said thickly. "I may be imagining things, but-" he turned red "-did you a-ask me out?"
"I did ask you out, you tosser," Lily laughed. She poked him in the chest. "And you didn't give me an answer..."
"Wait, this isn't a dream, right?"
"No," Lily giggled. "Not a dream."
"Hmmm...." James teased, sitting up. "I'll have to check my calendar..."
"James!"
"All right," James said, grinning down at her. "I will certainly go out with you, Evans." He wrapped an arm around her waist and added smirkingly, "Although I am left to wonder what exactly changed your mind about me. Was it my muscular body? My wits? My humility?"
"All of them," Lily whispered up at him. And before she knew what she was doing, she kissed him shyly, her eyes closed, underneath the cover of the approaching twilight. She pulled back, blushing, not sure what to expect.
And that was when she realized that James had fainted again.
--
follow/read more of my stories on the archive :))
https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusDeMil0/
[before being interrogated by the police]
Remus: Sirius, don't say a word.
Sirius:...
Sirius: Fergalicious
Remus: I said no words
Sirius: oH I see. Two weeks ago playing Scrabble it's not a word and now suddenly it is a word because it's convenient for you
When the Marauders found out Remus was a Werewolf
Remus: You don't hate me? But... I'm a werewolf!
James: Remus. See this arm? It's actually shorter than my other arm but you can't really tell. Especially when I twirl like this.
Peter: I'm lactose intolerant.
Sirius: I'm OBNOXIOUS!
Ok but like can you imagine after the wedding Sirius calls Lily “Evans” because of force of habit or because he’s teasing, whatever and just can you imagine James’s smug happy beautiful triumphant face when he gets to correct “Potter, actually” IM DYING NO ONE TOUCH ME
In Heaven (or wherever the hell the Marauders went)
Sirius: You know, it's funny. Your ancestor helped create fundamental healing potions and your father invented a popular hair potion. What did you create?
James: The savior of the Wizarding World.
just thoughts
only thirty days until james and lily’s untimely death halloween
McGonagall: Where's Mr. Black?
Peter: Doing stuff.
McGonagall: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Mr. Lupin?
Peter: Trying to stop Sirius from doing stuff.
McGonagall: Mr. Potter?
Peter: Trying to stop Remus from stopping Sirius from doing the stuff.
McGonagall: I see. And what are you doing here, Mr. Pettigrew?
Peter: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping James from stopping Remus from stopping Sirius from doing the stuff.
Sirius Black Narrating his First Quidditch Match
"Welcome to the 187th annual Quidditch match!" Sirius roared into the microphone over the general din.
"Oh, I regret this already," Professor McGonagall mumbled under her breath. She turned to face Sirius. "Mr. Black, we do not number our Quidditch matches that way."
"Well, we should," Sirius responded quickly. "It would be much easier to keep track of them."
"I think that the system that we are using now is working just fine," Professor McGonagall responded dryly.
With a nod and a wink, Sirius said, "Ah, I see. You want to keep things traditional. Got it. Change is hard."
Professor McGonagall looked up at the sky as if sending a quick prayer to any gods that may be looking down from above. "Mr. Black, when I told you that you could fill in for Mr. Harper as the Quidditch Commentator, you promised me that you would behave yourself."
"Did I?" Sirius asked innocently.
After receiving a glare from Professor McGonagall, Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yes, Professor, I promise."
Fully aware of the fact that she would soon come to regret this, Professor McGonagall nodded her head once, indicating that Sirius could start the commentary for the match.
Feeling eager, Sirius immediately belted out, "Good morning, Hogwarts!"
"It's two in the afternoon," Professor McGonagall interrupted.
Ignoring her, Sirius continued, "Welcome to our first game of the season."
"This is our fourth game," Professor McGonagall corrected.
Again, Sirius pretended not to hear her. Gesturing to one end of the pitch, he said into the microphone, "On one side, we have the chivalrous, the talented, and very courageous GRYFFINDORS!"
Cheers erupted from the crowd as the Gryffindor Qudditch team flew out on their brooms into the stadium.
"On the other side, we have the brilliant, the creative, and the stone cold RAVENCLAWS!"
The audience cheered for the Ravenclaw team as well.
"Let the battle BEGIN!"
"It's — it's not a battle," Professor McGonagall said through clenched teeth.
"And the balls have been let out," Sirius said, watching the two bludgers fly into the air. His dark eyes trailed the tiny golden ball that was weaving between them. "Watch out for those two black balls. They look like they mean business."
The coach stepped onto the field, quietly lecturing the players to play a nice, clean game. A few seconds later, the quaffle was thrown in the air.
"And the quootle has been set free!"
"It's the quaffle," Professor McGonagall enunciated, her fists balled.
"And now we've got Kelly from Ravenclaw, who has got a hold of the quootle and is racing away on her broom."
"Mr. Black, it's called the quaffle," Professor McGonagall reminded him for the second time.
"Kelly's passing the quootle to Rick. Then back to her. Then back to him. Then back to — whoa. Anyone else feeling a little dizzy here? Surely there's gotta be a better way than to just — WHOA! Rick threw the ball and made it through that circle thing. To bad for those Gryffindors, 'cause it looks like the Ravenclaws have just gotten themselves 15 points."
"No," said Professor McGonagall, willing herself not to strangle Sirius. "It's 10 points. Only 10."
"Yeah, but I thought their cool maneuvering deserved a couple of extra points."
"That's not how the game works," Professor McGonagall said sharply. "You told me that you understood the rules of the game, Mr. Black. Are you telling me that you have no idea what you are doing?"
Sirius scoffed. "Of course I know what I'm doing. I live in a dorm with James. Do you honestly believe that he wouldn't lecture all of us about the rules of Qudditch? Speaking of which..." Sirius trailed off and waved frantically at one of the scarlet-robed players racing on a broom around the field. "HI, JAMES! HEY! LOOK AT ME!"
James waved his arm at Sirius in a dismissive 'go away' motion before seizing the quaffle and shooting it into the goal.
Sirius was clearly not pleased that his friend was ignoring him. "So rude. You'd think that he would take one small moment to say hello. But no. Instead he puts all his attention on the dang quootle. Shows what he thinks is most important."
"Ten points to Gryffindor," Professor McGonagall said into the microphone as the crowd cheered, elated that Gryffindor had made its first goal.
"Oh no. After that rude treatment he just gave me? I say we take 10 points away from Gryffindor. Start them negative," Sirius insisted.
Rolling her eyes, Professor McGonagall said, "You can't just take away points from teams."
"Sure I can."
"No, I assure you that you can't."
"Well, fine," Sirius answered huffily. "Then I'll just give Ravenclaw an additional 20 points."
"You can't do that either," Professor McGonagall said, pausing as the Ravenclaws scored a second time. "We can give Ravenclaw ten more points because they just scored, but that's it."
"Ugh, fine," Sirius said, waving his hand indifferently.
Professor McGonagall sighed, massaging her temples.
"And Roger picks up the quootle and passes it to Kelly," Sirius continued. He paused for a moment to add, "And if Roger can afford the new Thunderbird 3000 broomstick, he can certainly pay back the four galleons that he owes me."
"Mr. Black — " Professor McGonagall started.
Sirius interrupted her. "I'm just adding a little zing to the commentary, Professor. No harm done. Kelly passes the quootle to Kevin, who throws it to Rick, then — INTERCEPTED BY MARLENE! Mmm — I wouldn't mind going out with her. Have you seen her play? Stone-cold, yes, but gorgeous. Damn, she is looking fine out there — "
"Mr. Black, stop objectifying female players."
"Would it make you feel better if I objectified the male players as well?" Sirius asked sweetly. Without waiting for an answer, he plowed on, "Marlene passes to Gerry of Gryffindor, who is looking scrumptious in that Quidditch uniform. Can I hear a heck yeah from the audience of you agree?"
Sirius looked extremely pleased with himself when a sizable chunk of the audience yelled back, "Heck Yeah!"
Professor McGonagall rolled her eyes.
Sirius grinned. "I just wanted to let you all know that the Gryffindor captain James Potter is single and ready to mingle if your name is Lily Evans — "
"I'm warning you — " Professor McGonagall threatened.
"Gerry passes it back to Marlene, who goes in for the steal, and — YES! She made Gryffindor's second goal!"
The Gryffindor fans went wild, stomping their feet and clapping, while the Ravenclaws looked surly.
"Ah, where is the quootle," Sirius continued restlessly, searching the field. "All right, there it is, and — WHOA! That black ball almost knocked Aidan off his broom! Isn't anyone going to do something about that?"
"That's the bludger, Mr. Black," Professor McGonagall explained impatiently. "It's supposed to do that."
"The blooder?" Sirius asked.
"The bludger," she corrected.
"Blugger?"
"BLUD-GER. And ten points to Ravenclaw for their third goal. The score is now 30 for Ravenclaw and 20 for Gryffindor," Professor McGonagall said into the microphone.
Snapping his fingers together, Sirius said, "I know the ball that you're talking about. The blooger. Very nasty ball, most likely created by a group of Slytherins hell-bent on making children suffer."
"Mr. Black — "
"I'm just saying," Sirius answered matter-of-factly. "If those bloogers weren't so aggressive, Aidan wouldn't be running away from one!"
"He's not running away," Professor McGonagall said, tugging on the microphone. "He's seen the Snitch!"
Sirius tugged the microphone back. "The snatch? Hey everyone! Stop what you're doing! Aidan's gonna get the snatch!"
"The Snitch!" McGonagall yelled into the microphone, feeling exasperated.
"He's gonna get it! Any second now. He's weaving and bobbing and doing much better than Steven with the ugly face."
"Mr. Black, please don't insult the other players," Professor McGonagall said tersely, sitting on the edge of her chair.
"Well, it's true," Sirius answered unapologetically. "His face looked like it caved in on itself. HEY! Do you think that he got hit in the face by a blooger as a child? Repeatedly?"
"Get back to the match," Professor McGonagall called out.
"Right," Sirius continued. "We're all rooting for Aidan to get the ball, 'cause his face is slightly less off-putting. In fact, I think he's going to get the ball... now. No, wait.... now. Riiight now! Okay, okay. 1-2-3... NOW!"
"Mr. Black, stop this nonsense!" Professor McGonagall ordered him.
"He's reaching.... he's reaching.... and... YES! AIDAN GOT THE SNATCH! WAHOO! 10,000 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!" Sirius yelled as the crowd went wild.
"150!" McGonagall yelled, changing the score. "Gryffindor wins, 160 to 30!"
"Yeah, Gryffindor!" Sirius bellowed, punching his fist into the air and knocking McGonagall's hat off by accident. "Bet you Ravenclaws wish you'd stayed in bed this morning, huh?"
"All right, that's enough. Hand me the microphone," Professor McGonagall said sharply.
Sirius leaned into the microphone one last time. "S-Dog out!"
The Marauders After Getting Detention
James: Oh deer
Sirius: Dog gone it
Peter: Rats
Remus: I was un-a-were that these would be the consequences
*muffled giggling*
Peter: I never know what to say to people at funerals.
Sirius: Oh, just say "I'm sorry for your loss" and then move on.
*a minute later*
Peter: I'm sorry for your loss. Move on.
SIRIUS FLIRTING WITH LITERALLY EVERY TEACHER TRYING (and failing) TO GET OUT OF DETENTION
He tried it with Dumbledore once and the man laughed so hard it almost worked, but then McGonagall came around the corner. Sirius brags until his dying day that he once seduced Dumbledore himself.
James never actually believes him until one day Sirius gives Dumbledore this huge dramatic wink and then Dumbledore winks back.
James stands up and walks out of the Great Hall.
Sirius Black in a Horror Movie
[phone rings]
Sirius: What's up?
Killer: I see you...
Sirius:
Killer:
Sirius:
Killer:
Sirius: Do I look good?
TODAY IS JAMES POTTER'S BIRTHDAY
and that's all i have to say about that
(This was posted on 3-27-2018)
Sirius: books are for nerds
Remus: *smacks Sirius on the head with a book*
Sirius: NOOOOO
Sirius: MY HAIR
Sirius: MOONY WHYYYY
Sirius: *sobs loudly* I LOOK LIKE JAMES
James: HEY!
Sirius: *continues sobbing in the corner*
Peter *looking at a map*: god, it's a barren, featureless desert out there, isn't it?
James: the other side, Peter.
Severus: Potter.
James: Snape.
Sirius: Sirius.
James: Okay, you just said your own name, mate.
Sirius: It was the only one left.